****IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT PRESIDENT BUSH IS DOING WHILE YOU ARE HAVING A BORING LIFE, YOU WILL FIND IT HERE.... CLICK HERE PRESIDENT BUSH

****IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT HIS HONEY IS DOING, YOU WILL FIND IT HERE.... CLICK HERE FOR MRS. BUSH

****LETTER FROM BAGHDAD (from our correspondents in our iraq office)….just look how young american soldiers live in iraq. other than the fact that someone is always trying to kill them, the accommodations are certainly not as nice as the ones occupied here in the states by the pundits who know all the answers. by the way, did you know that school enrollment in iraq is up 80 percent from before the war? in the good old days, kiddies just didn’t get to go to school.

****SHE WILL ALWAYS GET HER MAN….a new york city police lady arrested a guy that had robbed her four years earlier when she was still a civilian. she even had to wrestle him to the ground for the arrest. she is our hero for the week.

****PHILOSOPHY FROM THE WORLD OF HACK…. “the darkest time is just before dawn so that is the best time to steal your neighbor’s milk”.

****YENTA YACK FROM THE BACK OF THE HACK (what they are talking about in the yellow mobile conveyance lounge)….leave your dry cleaning or laundry too long and you will see some other person wearing it. “wow, i used to have a shirt just like that.”

****DRIVING TO THE CONVENTION (republican presidential convention is in nyc august 30 to september 2, 2004)....the new york city police department estimates that it will be spending $65 million on overtime during the convention. with all the cops with the republicans, the rest of us will just have to carry our own guns for protection from the regular criminals. if you want to see what the republicans are going to be doing, go here ELEPHANT

****THE HEY ABBOTT AWARD (an epistle about life).... here is a bank robber who robs his own customers. he is the ceo of the chase bank and you can call him “bad bill.” STICK EM UP

********THE EARL THEATER (the one that used to be on 161st in the bronx)….here you get to see home movies. this week it is "this ain’t no concrete jungle.” ENTER CINEMA
PLEASE NOTE: if you have a problem seeing this movie or listening to my other audio features, please go here for some help. HELP

****TAKE A HIKE (this week's street festival).... financial community day festival on water street will take place on saturday may 22nd. and if you want to see future ones take a HIKE

****ACTION, CAMERA, ROLL IT (a small vignette of the big apple)….a large group of moslems chanting anti-american slogans. only, it was not in baghdad, it was in times square.

****JASON BLAIR AWARD (for the worst journalism during the previous week)....goes to the washington post which stated in the ninth paragraph of an article “the overwhelming majority of iraqis interviewed expressed revulsion…..”

****THE MOST WANTED TOUR IN THE BIG APPLE…. how did i fit all these people into a taxi? don’t be silly, we also do bus tours. if you want a tour, just go to FUN

****NEW YORK VISIT (whazzup in the big apple)....ALL ABOARD

****CELEBRITY SIGHTING (fat cats of the world)....shirley maclaine. i loved her for years and i told her. just don’t let “she who must be obeyed know about this.” NICE LADY

****FOOD COURT (your biggest danger in coming to the big apple is that you are going to get fat). if you want real italian food, you don’t go to little italy. you go to patsy’s on first avenue and 117th st. the atmosphere is wonderful, the food is great and if you are lucky, you get to see some real wise guy looking people.

****JOKE DU JOUR…. he used some terrible four letter words on their honeymoon. LISTEN TO THE JOKE